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Samaira and Ranbir met at a party last year and it was love at first sight for them. Within a month, Ranbir moved in with Samaira and 6 months later they announced their engagement. Last week, Samaira was shocked to find out that Ranbir was involved with one of his colleagues at work. Samaira feels completely crushed and still keeps asking herself, “WHY”?

What Is Cheating The truth is that what women consider to be cheating may not seem like cheating to men. Amongst women also there is no definite agreement on what consitutes cheating. While a few women may be offended at their men looking at other women, others may find flirting to be a little upsetting. Then there’s a class of women who don’t mind their men flirting around but cannot forgive physical intimacy. Lastly, there’s also a category of women who feel the most offended when their men get emotionally involved elsewhere. So what’s “cheating” for you may not be “cheating” for other people.

Why Do Men Cheat? Tiger Woods made a lot of news some time back. This was a successful guy, who had a beautiful wife and family, why would he do this to the people who love him! When asked “why men cheat”, most women answer, “because they can!” But is it the answer, really? Memsaab conducted a survey amongst the young men of India to find out what they think are the reasons that men cheat. Here’s what we found out…

Variety: The Number 1 reason, according to our survey, is that men seek variety. Seeking sexual variety may have its roots in the age old urge to reproduce. It is much higher in men because all they have to do is perform the sexual act once, but for women reproduction is almost an year long process!

Difference Of Opinion: Men feel that often they are accused of cheating even when they have not promised commitment or exclusivity. So if you feel committed and “in love”, it does not mean that your partner feels the same. Wait for him to say the words before you wear your heart on your sleeve!

Lack Of Intimacy: If a guy is not getting what he wants from his wife, he feels free to go out and get it elsewhere. So if you are down with a headache every now and then, he may not put up with it for long!

Boredom: Lack of romance in a relationship has also been cited as a top reason why men cheat. Sexual gratification in a relationship decreases over time due to boredom. This is why experts advise couples to try new things in the bedroom!

Lost Love: Often people fall out of love after a few years. That’s when the level of commitment wavers and going astray is not that difficult.

Wife’s Fault: Men like to blame their wives for their straying. So commonly cited reasons also include “she’s too fat now”, “she’s not what she used to be” or “who wants to be with a nagging machine” etc. All right, so women have faults. But it’s not like men are perfect either!

Thrill: Often men pursue women merely for the thrill of the chase. If your man is such, he will probably not cheat on an emotional level. But apart from that, you cannot hold on to him forever!

Be A Man: Some men are programmed to cheat by their environment and society. They are fed junk ideas like “boys will be boys” etc from an early age and they don’t see anything wrong in seeking sex outside of a marriage. They also like to boast and brag about their conquests. They are kind of incorrigible! These are a few explanations that men provide for their going astray.

But what we feel is that no reason can justify cheating in a relationship. If you feel that your guy is cheating on you, try to find out why. If there’s something that you can do to save your relationship, you must! Seek couples’ therapy and counselling if required.


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Lavanya Mehra

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