When one of the partners in a relationship/marriage cheats, it is very difficult to bring the relationship/marriage back to square one. Just imagine, if your partner cheats on you, can you pretend nothing happened? Naah! When you find out about an affair your partner has been involved in, anger, humiliation, hurt and betrayal are the only emotions you feel. These emotions are followed by bouts of confusion and self doubt. How can you pretend nothing has happened?
But if your love and commitment is string enough, you may decide to forgive and forget. On the other hand, if you feel that the crime is too big for forgiveness, you might consider some sort of revenge? In this (second) article in the series, we will talk about the first option. How to forgive your partner and bring things back to normal?
The first and the most important thing required to start the healing process is a honest and frank conversation. Neither can you heal, nor can your relationship/marriage heal if you skip this step. Keep your ego, pride and anger aside for some time when you have “the talk”. You need to know the reason. You deserve to know the reason! If you have an open mind, you should be prepared for some criticism. Once you know the reason, you can surely try and hope to make things better so that this doesn’t happen again.
Ever seen a child cling to its mother/father when confronted with a danger? That is exactly how adults are too. We cling to God when we face problems. This is just one of those times. Prayers, religious meetings, temples, churches, mosques, religious beliefs etc have a calming effect on the mind. This is a period when you need peace and solace to counter the feelings of anger and rage in you.
Do Not Isolate Yourself
It is understandable if you never want to see your partner again! But it is not OK to isolate yourself from him or from other social interactions. Keeping the bridges of communication open will make your recovery quicker. Let him/her talk to you, if he/she tries.
Get It Out Of Your System
Unless you get it out of your system, you will never move on. Feeling angry, scream at him/her! Feeling betrayed, tell him/her! Want to grieve, weep out heart out! Whatever you feel, make sure to express it. Whatever you do, don’t keep your feeling bottled up.
Forgiveness Is A Virtue
If you love him/her and want to stay in the relationship/marriage, you must FORGIVE and FORGET. Forgive from the depth of your heart. You will see your anger fade away once you decide to forgive. Love does endure!
Disease Or Symptom?
An affair is not the disease. It is actually a symptom of the disease. Find out what the disease really is. Once you treat the disease, the symptom will vanish on its own! Attack the root cause if you really want your relationship/marriage to work.
Is Change Required?
Obviously everything is not “fine” with your relationship/marriage. Find out what you need to do to make it “fine”. What are the changes required to get things back on track? A few examples are:
• You need to lose weight.
• You need to take care of yourself i.e. get waxing, bleaching, hair coloring etc done.
• You need to give your partner more time and attention.
• You need time alone with partner without the kids.
• You need open communication about desires and fantasies in bed.
Hopefully, these strategies will help you fight the feelings of pain and betrayal while helping you in re-kindle the old spark. However, if you still feel that he/she does not deserve forgiveness, do read our next article in the series. We will soon bring you ways of getting back at your cheating partner!