Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

By First Posted: Aug 25, 2008 Mon 9:49 PM Updated: Aug 28, 2008 Thu 6:12 PM

Remember that fateful day when Salman Khan was publicly humiliated in a press conference by Vivek Oberoi. It is quite well known that Salman Khan’s abusive treatment of his then girlfriend Ashwairya Rai led to his break up with her. Salman continued to abuse Ash and her new boyfriend Vivek Oberoi even after their break-up. In fact reports keep flocking in that Salman abuses current girlfriend Katrina Kaif as well. We don’t know how true or untrue these reports are, but it is a fact that thousands of Indian Women are in abusive relationships and marriages.

It is a woman's right to be in a normal healthy relationship that is supportive, emotionally fulfilling, full of love, trust and understanding. We at Memsaab certainly hope that you have such a relationship. But what if you are in a relationship that is the exact opposite of this? Or what if your sister or friend or your mother is in an abusive relationship? Before we get into what to do if somebody who you know is in such a relationship, let's first identify the traits of an abusive relationship.

It is quite easy to identify an abusive relationship where one of the partners is violent and abusive publicly or uses power and control or threatens use of force and makes physical threats. We do come across situations where one of the partners makes derogatory remarks about the other or puts the other partner down publicly or calls names. In such situations, if you find the other partner being a silent spectator, then you can be quite sure that the relationship is an abusive one.

But do you know that even things such as “Checking up on your Partner” also forms a part of mental abuse or making your partner “feel guilty”? Isolating your partner also forms a part of an abusive relationship where one partner controls what the other partner does, where she goes, who she meets with, not letting the partner socialize with her friends and cutting her off from her relatives and friends

Most of the time jealousy is used as a justification for causing mental agony to the partner. The abusive partner shifts responsibility and blames his wife and thus tries to absolve himself. Using Children is also a strategy used by the abusive partner such as threatening to hit the children or threatening to take them away etc.

There is something called financial abuse also where the partner denies financial independence to the other partner. We will talk about how to deal with an abusive partner in our next article in this series. Till then, keep safe!

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