Before You Get Married…(Part I)

By First Posted: Apr 22, 2008 Tue 8:57 PM Updated: Apr 22, 2008 Tue 9:12 PM

Love and romance all sounds very good, but a marriage is much more than that. The thrill and the passion of romance finds no takers after the dullness and monotony of marriage sets in. often people find out after marriage that they are not really in love. The bitter truth that they mistook infatuation/lust for love dawns upon most people a little too late. This is when verbal sparring leads to constant bickering and violent fights. Endless screaming sessions and name calling matches make matters worse.

This sounds like a scary exaggeration but it is closer to the truth than you may think. Not all love marriages result in this doom, of course. Neither are all arranged marriages sacrosanct. In fact, all kinds of marriages require a lot of hard work and initial foresight. If the two people who decide to marry each other have a little foresight, they can avoid all these problems. The key is to marry the right person.

Who Is The “Right Person”?

The right guy for any girl should match her in education, temperament, income, family, beliefs and opinions. While the couple need not be from the same community or religion, they should have the good sense to respect each other’s background. So the idea person should give you space and freedom to follow your faith and to stand by your opinions and beliefs.

For now, let us see Who Is Not The “Right Person”?

• The right person is not the guy who makes more money than anyone else you know.
• He is not the guy who has no younger brothers/sister to take care of.
• He is not the guy who has a big house and a nice car.
• He is not the guy who lives away from his parents/family.
• He is not the guy whose “kundli” matches perfectly with yours.
• He is not even they guy who has the coveted “Green Card”.

Naah, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that these qualities are bad. It is OK to look for these characteristics, but none of them is the defining characteristic that you can bank upon. Usually when parents look for a groom for their daughter, these are the things they consider. Even well educated and career oriented girls look for most of these characteristics when they are choosing their husbands. But still, many marriages fail. Ever wonder why? The simple reason is that this list defining the qualities of an “ideal husband” is flawed.

The “right person” or the “ideal husband” should surely earn well enough to support his family. But besides that, there should be an understanding between the two partners that cushions them when they are being hurled around in the circus of life. There are a few things that every couple wanting to get married should discuss. If you are also planning to get married shortly (or if you just want to check if your boyfriend is the right guy for you), do read our next article in the series. We will bring you a short list of topics that you should discuss with any guy you intend to marry, before you actually get married.

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