Meera married her long-time boyfriend Khushwant last year. Everyone, including Meera and Khush, considers this a match made in heaven. Theirs is your typical “…lived happily ever after” kinda story. The only hitch is that Meera is not really happy. After a couple of months into the marriage, it dawned on Meera that love was not enough to make a marriage work. The differences between her old and new families seemed petty before marriage. But now the same differences often become a bone of contention between Meera and Khush.

It hurts Meera when her new family makes fun of her for fasting through the Navratras. It also pains her that she was not able to do her Divali pooja last year. It also irks her that she is expected to visit the local Gurudwara every evening. Being a devout vegetarian herself, she also finds it difficult to eat at the same table where everyone else is eating non vegetarian food. Not to mention her disgust at being asked to clear the dishes from the table!!!

Meera is going through the typical “adjustment problems” that almost every Indian woman goes through. Of course, it’s the new bride who has to adjust her life according to the needs and expectations of her new family. But if you and your fiancée/boyfriend are clear on what to expect from your life as a married couple, things can be a lot easier for both of you. Here’s a list of things both of you should clarify your positions on before you tie the knot.

Religious Beliefs

Even the most open minded individuals can get caught up in this one. You do not need to be a fanatic to love your religion. When marrying an individual from a different religious background, you need to discuss things openly before tying the knot. Are you open to converting to ‘his’ religion? Will you be expected to? Will he and his family accept your religious beliefs? Will you be able to carry on with your current religious practices, beliefs and faith? If he goes to a Gururdwara (or mandir or mosque or church), will you also be expected to? Similarly, will he accompany you to your place of worship?

For you to be happy in matrimony, it is important that you and your prospective family respect each other’s religious sentiments.

Finances

It is true that a couple should view their finances as a single entity and not as two separate entities. But what happens when the husband spends freely but expects his wife to account for every penny? Will you be able to buy an occasional gift for your family from your income? Or will it be frowned upon even though your income is spent on buying gifts for your new family? Will you be able to make your saving, spending and investment decisions? Or will you be expected to hand over all your financial decisions to your husband? Would you want to do that?

Finances often become a reason for quarrels between a husband and wife. It will make things easier if you explain your expectations and views beforehand.

Career

Have you discussed your career plans with your prospective family? Unless you are not too keen on working, you should. Will you be able to continue working or would you have to give up your career? Will you be expected to become a housewife after the kids arrive on the scene?

Children

This one is tricky business for most women. While the in laws keep harping on and on about kids, there are a lot of things to consider before you actually get down to it. You need financial stability and also stability in your career before you plunge into motherhood. Will your new family understand these needs of yours? Do you want to have kids? How many kids do you want to have? And when? Discuss these issues with your fiancée/boyfriend.

Who Does What?

When both the partners are working (especially if you do not live with family), it often becomes difficult to manage the house, the kids and the work. Will ‘he’ support you and chip in with some of the things? Or will you be the bai, the mom, the wife and the office worker all in one?

Watch out for more in the same line……