We have all seen Christian weddings on TV. And when the happy couple exchanges wedding vows, they promise to stay with each other till death does them apart. But how many of these couples actually stick with each other?
For your shaadi to survive, you need to be more committed. When couples dont make efforts in a relationship, they usually end up separating. Ask any shaadi-shuda person, it takes more effort to stay married than to get married. Married (and happy) people are actually an endangered species today.
Heres an analysis of the reasons relationships fail:
Dwindling Enthusiasm: Remember that magical time when you had first met your partner? Go back to the memories of those first few months of your marriage. He did come home before the whole town went to sleep. And you did remember to put on some lipstick and comb you hair before he reached home.
Today he gets home when you are too tired to do anything but feed him. And while he is telling you about his day, you doze off!
Not Sharing Each Others Burden: Who is the safai karamchari in your house? Does he ever help with any chores at all? I knew this couple from Chennai who experienced a very difficult time in their marriage. Shyam lost his high paying job as a challu Operations Manager for a bank. It took him almost four months to find a new job, and it didnt pay that well either. Radha, meanwhile continued to spend as she always did. When they fell into a debt trap. Shyam suggested that Radha could tutor students and make some money. This offended Radha so much that she threatened to leave him!!!
Hypersensitivity To Control Issues: This is often translated as "I hate it when you tell me to do this or that and just remember you arent the boss of me." It means having every request for compromise or a change in behavior result in some comment referring to "not needing a mother/father."
Professional Jealousy: where both the partners are working, it is important to demonstrate support for each others professional growth. It is often seen that if one partner is not doing too well at the naukri, he/ she might resent the growth and success of the spouse. This might be expressed directly or passively/passive aggressively by moping, irritability or other tensions. This results in the successful partner feeling a need to minimize his/her achievements or hide them in some way.
Devotional Void: A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being in love 24/7 doesnt necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a loving committed relationship can make the difference.
Kick the Dog: Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. So dont treat your partner as a kickable dog. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress. Fortunately help is available.
Neverland: Ever heard something this in an argument, You never.? Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the always and nevers in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. Its rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!).
Silence Silence isnt always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship. This does not mean that you need to go on and on and on. That will just give your spouse a bhaari bharkam sar ka dard! Just be communicative and share stuff with each other.
The Teenage complex: An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., dont have much place in healthy, growing partnerships. So dont break into budha mil gaya every time your spouse makes a sensible suggestion.
Burnout: Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the love fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout. You dont have to croon crazy kiya re for the rest of your life. But do be demonstrative of your love, every now and then!
