When a wifes success outshines her husbands, the psychological impact on his ego can be devastating. An example: Ravi and Rani have just celebrated their silver wedding anniversary. Rani had wanted something modest and private; Rani something classy, big and showy. Eventually, it went Ranis way.
Bagging a first in MA English literature, Ravi joined as a lecturer in a top Delhi college. It nursed high hopes of professional success, of becoming an established writer, probably a novelist. Tall, handsome, genial, at 27, he was rated a good catch.
Rani held a second-class degree and a diploma in textile designing. Not a beauty, she had a fairly personable figure that came with a large dowry. For the first 10 years of marriage she busied herself with the household and bringing up 2 bright boys. The marital equation clearly favoured Ravi. But by their silver wedding anniversary, the situation was reversed.
Ranis boutique, opened 15 years ago in a rented first floor attic in Khan Market, had grown into a roaring business. She specialised in womens salwar-kameez and blossomed into an established fashion designer.
A happy combination of sustained, strenuous work coupled with obsessive concern for detail and perfection, business acumen, and promotional drive succeeded in making Rani a known figure in her field, the ladies suits. Having built numerous contacts in India and abroad, she travels overseas twice or thrice a year on business, let alone trips to metropolitan cities in the country.
Backed by a rising income and heady sense of success, Rani had retained her youngish looks, goes for the best of beauty treatment and does look more than 33 for her 43 summers.
Ravi had a better start at marriage, but has fallen far behind his wife. A professor, yes, but not the senior bloke is blocking his promotion. Hes passing through a fairly frustrating phase.
Ranis successful business has raised the familys standard of living. They have moved from Ravis official 2- bedroom flat to a bought- out spacious house in Sundar Nagar. Rani goes about in a chauffeured Honda Accord. Ravi is still sticking to his Maruti 800.
What is fascinating is the different ways the two have been reacting to their changing fortunes. When he was up, she seemed genuinely glad for him, boasting to everyone how well he was doing in his teaching and writing.
Does Ravi return the favour? He actually finds ways to run down her success. He often sulks, moves conversation away from his wifes latest achievements to things like political corruption or American blunders in Iraq.
The stark fact shares him in the face that Rani is now the principal breadwinner, not he. She meets all the expenditure on food, servants salaries, and sundry purchases. And these constitute the bulk. He mainly buys his own clothes and books, pays for his petrol, and settles outside payments like club hills. At times, she even guiltily slips money to him under the restaurant table so that he can pretend to the guests that he is paying.
Now the Ravi-Rani case isnt an isolated one. Husbands may make out that they are thrilled by their partners achievements, but the truth is that many of them feel threatened by their more successful spouses.
Why is it somewhat hard for men to exult genuinely in the achievements of their mates? Possibly it is a question of identity. So much of male self-esteem seems to be tied up in public acknowledgement of them as winners and leaders.
