Tanisha works as an Oracle DBA for her company. Last week she got a very attractive offer from another company but she is bound to her company with a very restrictive contract. According to the contract, she cannot leave her present job without giving a 3-month notice. Breaking the contract will prove to be very expensive as the penalty has been set very high. The other company wants her to join within 15-20 days. What does Tanisha do?

Many people find themselves in such a situation, and the best (cheapest too) way to get out of this soup is to get yourself fired. When your company fires you, it’s they who break the contract. You only stand to gain from such a situation! So what exactly does one do to get fired? Here are some pointers for beginners in the game…

• Never arrive on time: Arrive late for work with the zeal and passion that your boss wants to see in your work. Make it a point to arrive at least two hours late every day, and never stay back late after office hours. And hey, show some creativity. Come up with the weirdest of excuses!

• Get personal: Take lots of personal calls and make sure everyone knows they are personal. Waste your time and spend the company’s money by calling your boyfriend/husband every few hours and ask him if he’s missing you!!!

• The internet is your friend: Your company provides you internet free of cost, right? So use it as much as you can…for work as well as for pleasure. Chatting while at work is usually frowned upon in offices, so you could start there. But if nothing else seems to work, try downloading some porn on your computer. That’s sure to get you fired.

• Let your work do the talking: If your work can say good things about you, it can say bad things as well. So make as many mistakes as you possibly can and never appear to feel guilty. If your boss confronts you, just say that you have probably been drinking too much.

• Alcohol works well here: When you go out for lunch, come back drunk. Or at least appear to be drunk. Say things to your boss that you have wanted to say for all this time. This is payback time, bossie!

• Everyone hates you: Be as uncooperative and unfriendly as you can. Be such a lousy co-worker that everyone goes complaining about you.

• Customers/clients hate you: Nothing works as well as this one. Alienate your company’s customers/clients. If your boss sees you as a client repeller, your job is done!