Ritesh likes Poornima, a girl in the HR department of his company. But he’s too shy to even talk to her. Asking her out on a date seems like a Herculean task to him. Yesterday Ritesh saw Poornima laughing and chatting with the IT manager. The possibility of Poornima and the IT manager hitting it off cannot be entirely ruled out. If Ritesh doesn’t do something about this now, he might just miss the bus!

There are many men and women like our Ritesh, who are so shy that they feel incapable of starting a conversation with anyone. Such men and women admire people of the opposite sex, but only from a distance. They are too unsure of themselves to go ahead and start talking. How can they be expected to voice their feelings or ask someone out on a date?

If you find yourself tongue-tied every time the guy/gal you admire passes you by, you are an introvert. Good communication techniques are very important in your personal relationships as well as in your work situation. If you want to learn the art of starting a conversation, read on to get some pointers…

Hello

Hi, Hello, Good Morning etc are still in vogue. These are the best conversation starters just like they used to be many years ago. Offering your hand for a shake, as you say “hello”, is a great ice-breaker. If the other person does not know you, introduce yourself as you shake hands. How do you do works perfectly if you two know each other.

The Second Phase

The first phase of initial greetings has been taken care of and now you want to have something to fill in the silence. This is too early to start a personal conversation. So stick with topics that are general and non-shocking. A good way to carry on the conversation after the “hellos” is to inquire about common friends, family, school, college etc. This takes care of the uncomfortable silence, and also gives the impression that you care enough to want to know about the other person.

Be Yourself

Now that the initial hiccups have been taken care of, you can let your guard down and just be yourself. This means that you try to behave naturally, just like you do with your friends. Guys, this does not mean that you can start swearing ;-) but you can relax now. Now you can control the conversation and decide which direction you want to take it into.

Compliment

Paying compliments that are sincere and well-meant is a great way to build a friendship/relationship. Try not to pay compliments that are far removed from truth. This will only make you come across as insincere and flirtatious.

Question

If you are genuinely interested in this person (or just want him/her to think so), ask questions to get to know him/her. Asking questions about education, family, opinions, hobbies, activities, likes, dislikes etc gives an impression that you are taking a real interest in this person’s life. But try to stay away from personal questions as that might seem ‘too intrusive’ on a first meeting.

Listen Well

For good communication, good listening is as important as good speaking. So listen well as he/she answers you. Be all attention. From these very answers you will get fodder for a flowing conversation.

Patience Pays

Nobody likes people who come on too strong. So save all your personal remarks etc for the next meeting. In the first meeting, just be friendly and attentive. If you mumble out your “I love you” or “I want to date you” etc on the very first meeting, it might not be seen in a good light. This is especially true for people who are not good communicators. This makes them come across as crass and too forward. So unless you are sure of your charm, be a little patient.