Ravi and Radha were married for 5 years before they separated. The reason for their separation: Ravi’s emotional affair with his secretary Sania. This was a classic case of your Pati, Patni Aur Woh. Ravi had always been friendly and amiable. He loved his wife and had no intention of cheating on her, emotionally or physically. But what started out as a harmless friendship with his employee, broke up his marriage.

Before he realized it, he was sharing all his dreams, his hopes, his concerns and his problems with his friend Sania. He found himself lying to Radha every time he went out for lunch with Sania on a Sunday. He was now making up excuses for coming home late every evening. Radha knew something was going and tried to look for telltale signs like lipstick marks and feminine smells on his clothes. When she did not find anything, she confronted him. He confessed that he had been spending a lot of time with Sania, but “it was nothing physical”.

For men, cheating starts with a kiss. But for women, cheating begins when you form an emotional intimacy outside of the marriage. Sharing problems, confiding marital issues, asking for advice etc are all seemingly harmless things that could lead to an emotional affair. How do you find out if “He” is having an emotional affair?

• The first sign is that you’ll see lesser and lesser of him. He will start working overtime. His company will suddenly start giving him ‘heavy duty’ deadlines. To sum it up, he’s spending more time with his ‘Emotional Friend’.

• He suddenly stops discussing his problems with you. So when he’s overlooked for promotion, you don’t find him whining. He just casually mentions it to you. He doesn’t tell you about problems at work any more.

• Even when you are together, he seems distant. Suddenly he develops the good habit of going to bed early. This means, he doesn’t really communicate with you any more.

• He ‘password protects’ all his files and folders on the computer.

• You can see a physical withdrawal in addition to the emotional withdrawal.

• He behaves as if his cell phone is his lifeline. He doesn’t want you anywhere near it and for extra safety, he password protects all the applications on his phone.

• He doesn’t take you to the office parties any more. In fact, you find yourself going out with him very rarely.

• He often gives you the ‘silent treatment’.

• He is no longer interested in what you do. He doesn’t want to know about your daily activities etc.

• He doesn’t say ‘I love you’ anymore. And if he does, it doesn’t feel like it used to.