Hello ladies and gentlemen. Since we have many male guests these days on our site, this humorous piece is for men who would love identify with these realities and women who have a good sense of humour.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift yet again.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, other women's breasts or cars.
7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. You have enough clothes.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. Crying is blackmail.
11. Your ex-boyfriend was an idiot.
12. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say what you want!
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
14. Most guys own about three pairs of shoes- what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
15. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.
16. Come to us with a problem that needs solving. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
17. A headache that last 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
18. Check your oil.
19. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
20. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
21. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
22. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
23. If you don't look like the girl on the cover of a romance novel, don't expect us to act like guys in the romance novel.
24. If we said something that can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
25. You can either ask us to do something, OR tell us how you want it done. Not both.
26. Women wearing low cut blouses and Wonder-Bras lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
27. More women should wear low cut blouses and Wonder-Bras. We like staring at boobs.
28. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof how little we care about you.
29. If we ask what's wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
30. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.