Stanley Baldwin, former British politician and Prime Minister once said, I would rather trust a womans instinct than a mans reason. Little did he know that- perhaps inadvertently he was making a very acute observation about how the sexes go about the entire business of trusting. As with everything else, men and women have a very different rationale when it is a question of whom they trust. According to a study, a man tends to trust people who are a part of group with him- like someone who is from his team, company or club. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to trust strangers who share some personal connection such as a friend of a friend, or a family friends third cousin or any other such association.
According to Marilynn Brewer, co-author of the study and professor of psychology at Ohio State University, There are different ways to determine who is a part of your ingroup, to decide who you can trust when you first meet a stranger. For women, this in- group is me and my friends and family and their families and family. And for men, the in group is limited to their basic surrounding and environment.
Which explains the numerous arguments that most couples have. Whether its about which city to relocate to or about which brand of mobile phone to buy, men always trust their own clique, while women extend a willing ear to even a very tenuous connection. It boils to social connection and how socially oriented either gender is. Earlier, researchers have claimed that men are less socially oriented than women. However, this study shows that men can be very connected to other people, only in a different way. Adds Brewer, Men look for symbolic connections that you get from belonging to the same group, rather than for personal connections that women prefer.
According to psychotherapist Dr Anjali Chhabria, women trust strangers based on some remote connection on an emotional and intuitive level. And inherently, women can open up to anyone who listens to them- sharing is easy for the fairer sex as compared to the testosterone tribe. Men, she continues, take a long time to share as they are not used to it. They are brought up in a manner that encourages reticense and frowns upon being open with people who dont have close ties with them. So obviously, a man would much rather trust someone who goes up and down the lift him than his neighbours sons best friend!
Another reason for a man trusting just a fellow club mate over his wifes cousins girlfriend is that men share interests easily, whereas women share problems easily, say experts. This explains why a man to confide in a gent who occupies the next bar stools as they share a common interest, i.e drinking. For women, it works more on the basis of an extended friendship network. An interesting fact is that where trust is concerned, connections are not gender specific. A man may share an interest connection with his female secretary and a woman may have that connection with a man who is remotely related to her.
However, not everyone agrees with the study and its findings. Like psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty feels that trust is individual and cant be categorized. He says, Trust is not gender specific. It has more cultural connotations to it. Your social milieu determines who you trust.
Ultimately, never mind the gender differences (or the lack of them!), as EM Forster once said, one must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life!
