Many people have feelings towards other people of the same sex, and wonder whether this means that they are gay. For many people these feelings can be very intense and alienating. Some people who are attracted to other people of the same sex are gay and go on to have sexual relationships with people of the same sex. But other people who have gay feelings find that these change over time and they become attracted to people of the opposite sex.
Other people are attracted to both men and women, and have relationships with both. Some people are not attracted to anyone and wonder if this is a sign of homosexuality. Often it is only time that will resolve these feelings. If you think you might be gay and feel you need to talk to someone most countries have telephone helplines and organisations that can provide information and support for you.
When do people know that they are gay?
There is no simple answer or standard answer to this question, as it varies from person to person. Generally it can be said that being gay is not something a person suddenly begins to consider, and it may not be something they can initially put a name to. Research published in 1996 showed how the young gay men interviewed had described a set of feelings which they gradually realised made them -different- in some way, and a set of feelings they thought maybe every teenage boy has.
I thought, well, this is just the phase bit. Sooner or later I-m going to start finding women attractive. I never did. As I became more attracted to men, and I still wasn-t getting attracted to women, I thought, shit, you-re gay. And it was really quite a shock when it hit me.- Luke -
Eventually all people who are gay realise that not only are they sexually attracted to members of the same sex, but that this attraction is not transitional. This realisation could come at any time during their lives.
Can you stop being gay?
There is now growing general support for the belief that sexuality is pre-determined and may change over time, or remain fixed. However, many people are interested in whether sexuality can be altered solely by a person-s desire to change. Organisations that help homosexuals attempt to change their sexuality can be generally divided between those that use psychological -reparative- methods and those that use religious -healing- methods.
Some people believe homosexuality is an illness and believe it can and should be cured. Many of these -cures- revolve around psychological therapies (often called reparative therapy) which endeavour to re-orient a homosexual sexuality to heterosexual. Although there is little scientific data to evaluate, what is available seems to indicate that reparative therapy is ineffective. American Psychological Association (APA), the world-s largest association of psychologists has stated that:
Homosexuality is not a mental disorder and the APA opposes all portrayals of lesbian, gay and bisexual people as mentally ill and in need of treatment due to their sexual orientation.
Some strongly religious groups believe that homosexuality is sinful and is in direct breach of the bible and other religious texts. As with reparative therapy there has been little to no scientific evaluation of the healing and prayer techniques used. What evidence is available suggests that the success of these techniques is restricted to three areas:
Convincing bisexuals to limit their sexual activities to members of the opposite sex.
Convincing homosexuals to become celibate.
Convincing gay men and lesbians to attempt to maintain heterosexual relationships, whilst retaining their homosexual orientation.
Tellingly two founders of a ministry established to -heal- homosexuals later described their programme as -ineffective ... not one person was healed-.
Recently the issue of changing homosexual orientation has been drawn into political debate in America. Although this is partly due to an issues shortage in American politics, the subject of -curing- homosexuality has apparently captured the imagination of many Americans. Controversial full page newspaper adverts by Christian political organisations have appeared three days in a row. The adverts, which firmly promote the theory that homosexuality can be changed through force of will alone claim that -thousands are leaving their homosexual identity for sexual celibacy, and even marriage-.