I Don’t Love You Anymore!By Shalini First Posted: Apr 10, 2008 Thu 2:23 AM Updated: Apr 10, 2008 Thu 10:51 AM
Prachi, my sister had these words hurled at her by her boyfriend of four years. Prachi was devastated. She had been expecting him to ask her to marry him. This was such a shock for her. Armaan told her "Prachi, I don't feel like I used to, with you anymore. I don't love you anymore. I have fallen out of love with you." Since then, it's been hell on earth for Prachi. She cannot seem to do anything. She cannot see any reason to live anymore. She has considered many options to end the torment: dating lots of guys, getting even, worst of all, suicide.
Prachi is not alone in this torment. Most women have faced rejection and break-ups at some point in their lives. How does one move on from a broken relationship? How do you learn to forget the pain? How do you cope with seeing him date someone else particularly when you stay in the same neighborhood? We will attempt to shed light on how you can move on even in the face of intense pain and heartache. While we are not by any means saying that the tips provided here are the ultimate, we can at the very least state that they worked for Prachi and seem to work for people we have recommended them to.
• The very least you can do is go out.
He is having a great time with his new friends/girlfriends. So why should you be at home, moping? Have fun with your friends. Watch movies, plays, dance, jog, party, get your hair done, fix those nails, go shopping etc. Being with friends and loved ones reduces the sense of loneliness. Reach out to friends and people you had ignored or not spent time with; spend time with them. Meet new people. But for Chrissake, do not just be by yourself. You’ve got to move on girl!
• Make up your mind to forget.
Hard as this may sound, it gets easier with every passing day. The rat left you in the middle of things, didn’t he? Why do you want to keep thinking of him? Put your mind to other things. As soon as you notice the thoughts of him creeping in, force your mind to other things. Just don't think of him. Practicing this is hard at first, but it gets better with daily practice. Just ask yourself, “Does he deserve to be in my thoughts?”
• Get busy.
Nothing makes the pain easier than getting down to work. Join a dance class; take up a part-time job if you are still studying. It has been said that keeping yourself busy makes the pain easier. By the time you get back from work, you are so tired you do not have time for anything else except sleep. And by the time you wake the next day, you are focused on the day ahead. With time, you will find yourself thinking about him lesser and lesser
• Avoid all contact with him.
While it is good to remain friends with your erstwhile partner, avoid him while you are healing. This aids the healing and makes it quicker. If you both take the same routes to work, avoid that route. Avoid the shopping mall where you two used to go shopping. Avoid all the places the both of you used to go. Avoid every and anything that may bring you two together until you are seventy percent healed- You are seventy percent healed when you see ‘him’ and thoughts of the past are just a pleasant memory, or you can successfully will your mind not to remember what it was like being with him.
• Believe that you can love again and be loved by someone too.
One of the first things you experience after a break-up is a serious lack of confidence in yourself; particularly when you did all you could to make the relationship work. We are firm believers of the "one-door-closes-two other-doors-open theory". Every disappointment is a very big blessing. It gives you time to review what went wrong, and allows you to improve on the ‘could-have-been-better’ areas of your life. Think positive. There is always a better person out there waiting to love you and be loved by you.
• Most of all, be yourself.
Do not change simply because you think you are not good enough. There are people out there who would love you for who and what you are. If there are some aspects of you that need changing, then by all means change them. But don’t change to conform to what you think your ex expected of you.
• Get rid of everything that reminds you of him.
Get rid of those pictures you took at the beach. Cleanse your life of all the memories of someone who obviously didn’t care for you. Take time to purge yourself of all those souvenirs and memoirs. All these help you ease off the burden and pain.